Paranoia

Ever since I watched my husband get hit by a truck while crossing the street I have become exponentially more paranoid about everything. Especially crossing the street. I think that if i were attached to one of those stress monitors while crossing the street, it would be going nuts. I sometimes wish that I could run across without looking crazy but instead I just walk very fast looking at every car to make sure they all see me and are stopped. And it's not just me, I also get scared for other people that I see crossing the street. One time I was turning right at that light and I saw a guy on his bike crossing the other crosswalk and someone turned left right after he got to the middle of the road and I stopped mid turn and screamed and Mike was like what? what happened? and I was like I thought that guy was going to get hit! haha. It is a little silly because how many people do you know that actually get hit while crossing the street in a crosswalk? But it's also not silly because I've seen it happen. One day when we were walking to school Mike started to walk after the other light turned red and ours just hadn't turned green yet and I freaked out just a little bit. Ok, a lot. I basically just stood on the corner and desperately begged him to stop walking and then when I saw the light had turned and we were safe I ran and hugged him crying because I was so scared.. not my proudest moment haha.

I've also become really worrisome about other things that are those "that-never-happens-to-people-I-know" kind of things. Like getting struck by lightning for example. Like my mom and brother were hiking in Zion and afterwards for a day or so I couldn't get a hold of either of them and my first thought was that they either fell off the cliff or they were struck by lightning. Of course, neither of those things were the reason I couldn't contact them it's just my new habit of thinking of the worst thing that could happen. I hope that I get over my irrational worries by the time I have children or they will spend all day locked in their rooms. Just kidding.

It has helped me to have a better outlook on life though. Since I worry a lot about the people that I love getting in freak accidents and dying or something I think a lot about what I say to them just in case it is the last time I talk to them. It's kind of morbid, I think, but oh well. I get reminded a lot about how much I love my family.